They say that breaking up is hard to do (comma comma down-doobie doo-down down).

Since the dawn of time, ending a relationship has been difficult, so it was only a matter of time before cowardly souls would come up with ways to avoid making eye contact with the recently dumped.

I’ve read that Sylvester Stallone once broke up with Jennifer Flavin via Fed Ex. On “Sex and the City,” Carrie was once dumped on a Post-It. Matt Damon broke up with Minnie Driver on the Oprah Winfrey show!! How embarrassing is THAT?! A blogger recently posted that his girlfriend’s MOM informed him that her daughter was breaking up with him. Hello?! That is SO Junior High!

The following is my list of the 9 Lamest Ways to break up with your significant other.

1. Text Message
A few years ago, I could never really imagine that this would be a break up method. But with the popularity of text messaging these days, I’m sure that more than one woman has been dumped in this cowardly manner.

Carrie Underwood sent Chace Crawford (of "Gossip Girl") a "Peace Out" text to end things.

Hot mess Britney Spears reportedly informed Kevin Federline that she wanted a divorce via text message.

2. Voice Mail
Nothing says that you are not committed to the relationship like waiting until you know she’s in a tunnel to call.

3. IM (Instant Messenger)
Pretty much says, “While I’m breaking up with you in THIS window, I’m chatting with my NEW girlfriend in another window” Added bonus: When he says, “I’m breaking up with U”, you can always pretend you were dating Prince.

4. Email
Saves you the trouble of recounting your breakup conversation, because you can just forward it to all of your friends for their comments. On the downside, it’s always there for you to reread and remember what a loser you were dating.

5. Changing Myspace/Facebook relationship status
While researching the break up topic, I came across a blogger that had this to say, “It hits like a wave of confusion and denial. For some odd reason, the crazy folks at Facebook have incorrectly notified you (and the entire universe, thanks to Newsfeed) that you are suddenly single. Uh, what? You immediately call to tell your significant other of this insanity, but they don’t answer. Ever again.” Worse still, seeing their status go from “In A Relationship” to “Single” means they’re announcing they’ve not only dumped you, but they’re open for business and ready to start dating again.

6. Ending things in a restaurant
If you’re going to do this one, be prepared to spring for separate cab rides home for both of you. I’m embarrassed to say that I’m actually somewhat guilty of this one. In a conversation with my now ex-husband, I blurted out “I’m not happy!” over my Szechuan Shrimp and Fried Rice. In my defense, it wasn’t planned, but it was plenty uncomfortable. Nothing like trying to keep the couple at the table next to you from overhearing you, when all you want to do is stab someone with a chopstick.

7. It’s not you, it’s me
Your reply, “Of course it’s you! I’m great, so it HAS to be you!” I have to confess that I’m guilty of this one as well. Even though this line is completely over-used, and is usually a cop out, I actually meant it when I said it. So it IS possible that your boyfriend is not taking the easy way out. A very slim possibility.




8. On your Wikipedia page
Maybe you thought it was bad to be broken up with by your boyfriend’s doorman, secretary, or five year old little brother, but you haven’t lived until your boyfriend breaks up with you on his Wikipedia page. Wikipedia chief Jimbo Wales dumped his girlfriend on his page, and she was so angry she sold his clothes on eBay. WikiDump

9. Rejection Hotline.com
Nothing helps soften the blow of being dumped like hearing a witty answering machine message saying, “The person that gave you this number wants to break up with you.” Dumpers have several choices of breakup messages to choose from, including one that tells the caller they have bad breath. Seems funny, but probably will lead to bad feelings, held grudges, and slashed tires.